I am THAT girl.

September 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’m sitting here looking up the time when Grey’s Anatomy‘s new season will premiere and getting excited about the fact that it’s a 2 hour premiere.  If you know me, you know what a big deal this is.  I hate Grey’s Anatomy.  Or, well, I did.  But now?

Now I’m that girl.

I’ve had an interest in blogging and reading blogs and subscribing to RSS feeds–even though I still don’t know what that means–for a while but all the sudden I find myself requesting to join Pinterest and filling up like a thousand boards.  I’ve always been one to take an interest in house design, even though I’ve never had a house to design, and I love pinning all these designing things to my board.  And then I found myself looking at clothes and contemplating making a fashion board.

Yeah, I’m that girl.

I really enjoy cooking, but never one for baking.  I don’t have the patience.  But every once in a while I take it up to the delight of my husband and for the past couple of weeks I’ve been toying with the idea of making cake balls and bringing them to work.  This isn’t really that out of the ordinary.  But while I was thinking about making them I was excited because that meant I could put them in my cupcake carrier and carry them into work.  And then maybe I could make this cute little sign that says “bon appetit” that’s cut on cardstock with those fringed scissors.  But then I stopped myself.

Because I’m turning into that girl.

I’ve probably always been like this, but my domesticity has lain dormant for all those years.  Plus, I’ve never really had reasons to take an interest in decorating, being crafty, or watching Grey’s because I think Meredith is an uber-slut.

But all of the sudden, I’m that girl.

How is it that I’m 23 and am turning into a person that I don’t really recognize?  I thought that’s what college is for, to try on different identity hats and wear them around for a semester or two to try them out.  Like a liberal/conservative hat, a sexuality hat, a popularity hat, or a drug/alcohol hat.  But I never really did that, because knowing who I am has never been a problem.

But now I kind of wish I at least wore a school spirit hat.  I wish I had painted my jeans and my body and went to pep rallies and football games and yelled really loud.  Or maybe I should’ve worn an extra-curriculur hat; I took that one off senior year of High School when I got burnt out on extra-curricularing and never had the desire to put it on in college.  And some part of me wishes I had worn the it’s-college-so-I’m-experimenting hat, though for me experimenting would be less about my sexuality or drugs or alcohol and more about coming out of my shy, awkward shell.  I wish I had been in a sorority.  Or at least not have hated them so much.

I wish I had been that girl.

Instead, I’m married and going through a completely different sort of early-life-identity crisis.  One where I get to figure out who I am as an adult, as a Mrs., as a bill-paying, student loan buried, lives 3000 miles away from momma, works 10 hour days person.

I’m finding that I’ve probably always been that girl.  But now, I’m finally okay with it.

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