Marriage is…

September 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

I read a post about marriage.  It was written by this twenty-something semi-newlywed and was all about how marriage is awesome but it’s also terrible and hard at the same time.  How it’s about two people trying to love each other more than their own self, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

I enjoy my marriage.  I revel in it, actually.  I enjoy the man I come home to every day, and the house I have to take care of, and the kitchen I have to clean and the dinner I have to cook.  But I disagreed with her a lot on what I think marriage is.  And I was going to write this whole entire post on how perfect my own marriage is–how we don’t fight, we share everything, we spend large amounts of time together everyday and so on–and how when I was reading her post all I could think of was, “I’m glad I don’t have a marriage like that.”  And then I realized how often I think that thought often.  I’m constantly thinking about how I don’t want that marriage and I’m glad mine isn’t like that, but then I thought, of course I would think that.  Because if I had someone else’s marriage, then I wouldn’t have my marriage, and I love how awesome my marriage is.

But then I thought, well, how would I answer the question, “What is marriage?”
And here’s what I’ve come up with:

Marriage is buying a queen-sized bed so that we have enough room to not snuggle next to each other.  Because it gets really hot really fast.
Marriage is coming home at the end of the day completely exhausted and eating a hodge-podge of crackers, cereal, strawberries, and Little Debbie fruitcakes for dinner because neither one of you has energy to cook and there’s no money to order takeout.
Marriage is when your husband takes your car to work in the morning so he can fill it up with gas so you don’t have to.
Marriage is eating dinner off tupperware lids because every single dish is dirty.  And I mean every dish.
Marriage is drinking milk, juice, soda, etc. from the carton or bottle because, well, if you swap spit on a daily basis you might as well drink after each other.  And because all the glasses are also dirty.
Marriage is going for a drive at midnight because you’re bored and there’s nothing else to do.
Marriage is washing your comforter–and all your blankets and sheets and sometimes your underwear, when you’re desperate–in the tub, because there’s no money for the washing machines.
Marriage is walking along the beach at night because it’s the best place for long, deep conversations.  And it’s free.
Marriage is sleeping on the pull-out in the living room because the bed has a giant pile of clothes on it.  And you’re not sure if they’re dirty or clean.
Marriage is eating dinner at the coffee table in front of the TV simply because you can.
Marriage is deciding on Tuesday that you’re going to go camping on Friday even though you have no sleeping bags, or actual camping gear except for a twenty dollar tent, some blankets, and a couple of old frying pans.
Marriage is spending four hours at a laundromat because you haven’t done laundry all month.  Literally.

And so on.

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