August 27, 2011 § 2 Comments
Dear Mr./Ms. Hurricane,
We’ve never met before, in fact I do not even know your name since I don’t watch TV, but I just wanted to take a little time to introduce myself since I hear that you might be coming over for a visit.
I just want to thank you in advance for providing the nasty weather outside that ensures that my first day off in 12 days will be filled with nothing but watching movies, reading books, and sleeping and not of working, goin’ out, or cleaning my house. But please, do try to be careful with your hurricanic ways. Not everyone is as fond of you as I am, and I wouldn’t want your killer instincts to take over and cause too much destruction. There’s only so much I can do to stand up for you.
I eagerly await your visit, as howling winds and rain provide the best kind of atmosphere for laziness. Just mind the power lines–I’ve got lots of movies to catch up on–and watch out for that tree outside our window. I’m quite partial to it, but not enough that I want it inside my bedroom.
P.S. I made sure to leave my car parked underneath one of the largest trees in the parking lot. If you could be so kind to dispose of it in a manner that my insurance will be sure to replace it for me, I will forever be in your debt.