At least spiders only have 8 legs, and roaches only 6. Or is it 10…

September 16, 2010 § 2 Comments

Everything in Texas is not always bigger.
Trust me.

I have discovered a monster bigger than Texas roaches, scarier than Texas spiders, uglier than West Texas horny toads, and deadlier–yes, deadlier–than those stupid Texas snakes that get into my Texas pool.

Let me introduce you to the millipede.

This is not the millipede that was in my shower, but it is a good likeness.

The most common misconception about the millipede is the number of feet attached to its body.  Let me clarify:
Millipedes really do have a million feet.
Promise.

Okay so this morning at approximately 4:13 am I went to take a shower, only to notice that the tub was already occupied by this mammoth sized bug.  Normally, bugs don’t phase me.  No, I don’t want to kill them because that means I have to use a very thin tissue to pick them up, but I can definitely buck up and be a man when it comes to tiny legged creatures taking up unwanted space.

But that is before I met the millipede.

So needless to say, I run down the hall in my bath towel to wake up my poor husband who is very much asleep to yell, “OMG there’s a giant bug in the bathtub!”  And of course, being the perfect husband that he is, he wakes up, drags his groggy self and his black leather dress shoe to the bathroom to kill the bug.  And do you know what he says to me?

“Oh, it’s just a millipede.  They bite.  And they like the dark.  You’re fine now.”

I bet you’re thinking I’m overreacting.  But here’s the kicker.  Not only is it still pitch black outside (being so early in the morning and all) but our bathroom light is out.  And not only is the bathroom light out but one of the mirror lights is also out.  So basically I’m in a very tiny room that happens to be fairly dark taking a shower and waiting for these giant things to bite me to death.

And the rest of the morning I keep expecting one to jump out at me.  So as I’m getting dressed I’m checking the insides of my shoes before putting my feet in them, shaking out my shirts before I put them on, and pulling out my pants pockets in case they might have crawled in and made home in there–you know, because pants pockets are probably very comfortable.  And they’re dark.

I’ve decided that I’d much rather take snakes and spiders and roaches anyday over those mammoth-sized millipedes with their million crawly, spindly feet.

I’ve gotta change the lightbulb.

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§ 2 Responses to At least spiders only have 8 legs, and roaches only 6. Or is it 10…

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